Should We Toilet Paper Roll A Substitute Teacher’s House?
Posted on 07. Sep, 2009 by Susan in Inspiration
more time teaching our kids to ride bikes, tie their shoes, and brush their
teeth than we do the critical skill of HOW TO THINK.
I am sure
that the parochial school education that my parents worked so hard to provide
me never ever included a lesson that taught me “HEY! You get what you think
you’ll get!” And, while my
excellent college experience taught me many things, like how to cram a million
credits in during your Junior year summer so that you graduate on time, I
wasn’t ever challenged to consider that I could change my results by changing
what and how I thought about things.
So, one day
last week after school, when my usually happy and excited Emily crawled in the
car and broke down in tears, I was curious about A. what she was thinking that
created her pain, and B. how quickly I could find a culprit to blame and run
them over with my SUV. It turned out that Emily experienced a third grade
substitute teacher that was not an Emily Hyatt fan. This was a shock to her 9-year-old system and to this feisty
mama bear.
So after
letting her vent a bit, I noticed that she was not getting over it. And, I was really interested to observe
that the conversation that I was having with her was not at all unlike many
client session conversations that I have recently had. So, all revenge fantasies aside, I
wanted to share some things that I wished I had known in 3rd grade.
·
Everyone does not have to like you. Contrary to the
many messages of your upbringing, if you are nice enough, work hard enough, are
pretty enough, sweet enough, dazzling enough, etc, it will NOT make people like
you. And, further, stop trying so
hard to make sure that everyone “likes” you. Everyone will not like you. That’s just how it is. And, it’s
a good darned thing. Because when someone doesn’t like you, it just shows you
where to go (and it’s not with them.)
It helps you to be clear about WHO YOUR PEOPLE ARE. Your tribe. And, of course, your people love you
when you like yourself.
·
What are you afraid will happen if someone does not like you? This was really interesting to explore with Emily. What was her mind cooking up around
this? Not unlike my client’s fears
of becoming broke and homeless, Emily was worried that she would miss out on
special class privileges, not being called on to answer during class, and being
punished for being too chatty.
(Just for the record, being chatty is a great talent to have in the real
world, thank you very much Mrs. Substitute Teacher.) It’s not that someone does not like you; it’s what you make
that mean that causes so much pain.
Insert my favorite mantra ever here, “SO WHAT! WHO CARES?” Someone doesn’t like me? Rock on. My
tribe just got tighter.
·
Resisting what is (oh, gee,
someone does not like me, I must try to win them over) and wallowing in dirty pain about it creates a crappy mood and even more
of a crappy result.
Dwelling on what you do not want only creates more of it. So, after giving Emily the rock star
time to cry and vent and mope around the house, I asked her if she wanted me to
help her feel better, or let her moan and groan and create more drama. She wanted to feel better. Great. That is the first order of
business: Are you are willing to
let go of your painful story and do you want to feel better?
·
Decide how you want to feel. I revisited thought work with her. What thoughts could she think and
believe that would help her feel better whether or not the substitute teacher
liked her? What did she like and
appreciate about school that would get her excited about the next day (instead
of her suggestion that she skip and hang with me). I had her imagine the teacher being as mean and as nasty as
possible. Why was this so bad? She could TOTALLY hang with it. No one could
touch Thought Warrior Emily if she was marinating in kind thoughts. What did she come up with?
“I like me.” Joy.
“This is only temporary.” Relief.
“I wonder what Mrs. Substitute is thinking that makes her act that
way?” Compassion.
If only I
knew this material when I thought my only recourse was to toilet paper roll
nasty teacher’s houses. Oops.
3 Responses to “Should We Toilet Paper Roll A Substitute Teacher’s House?”
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I will never forget sitting in a teacher conference for my kindergarten son who was… struggling. He was getting DAILY mimeographed bad behavior reports, the teacher was throwing up her hands, we were flummoxed because he was a good kid at 5 and is a good kid at 16 (now).
Imagine my surprise when his teacher said, “Maybe his biggest problem is that he reminds me of my ex-husband.”
Thud.
Teaching your children that there is three kinds of business in the world: my business, your business and God’s business, can help them understand that when someone projects “ex-husband” on them, it’s totally the other person’s business. All the kid can do is be himself.
And get a divorce from that teacher.
Emily… here’s another thought for you. Sweetie, you have fans you don’t even KNOW about.
I’m glad E found better thoughts–umm, where does this sub live? We have a case of Costco TP just laying around.
I wish we could teach all kids (and all subs!) these kinds of life lessons.
You rock mama bear.
Fabulous. I am taking notes. Also, trying to figure out how to do thought work with a 3-year-old.